Maybe you expect him to fold his socks, or chat with your friends without being asked. However, the inability to straighten hair while on the toilet is probably the personality that makes you attracted to him for the first time.
"One of the fun things that we can see from the happy couple are they mutually understand each other's differences, and not try to change each other's personality," said Darren Wilk, a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist who opened a private practice in Vancouver, Canada.
"Instead of trying to change the partner's personality, focus on the advantages of each."
To better understand the advantages of each, maybe you can take a quick quiz about the personality of your partner.
2. Reveal something well
Do you want him to do laundry more often or more attention to the children? Your partner will change their attitude if he feels comfortable. "Do it like you're giving aid. Do it like 'this way he can make me happy,' because everyone wants to make their partner happy, "says Wilk.
"When you express your needs, say like you really want and not the other way around." Do not say, "I hate when you have to do all the things with the schedule," try saying, "I would be happy if spontaneously through the day."
3. Give appreciation
Appreciation to your partner is important, but sometimes some couples often forget to do. "Recent studies show a relationship expert Gottman, in everyday life, the happy couple has 20 positive moments, such as looking at each other, praise, or a touch of honey," says Wilk.
Say positive things to him three times a day, and specific. Do not say, "You're a good father." Give all the reasons. "Are you good because you help your child to complete the puzzle, while I never wait to do it."
4. Focus on the positive things
"The unhappy couple stuck in negative thoughts," says Wilk. "You'll always find what you are looking for. If you are looking for things that bother you and the mistakes made by your partner, you will find every day. If you see the right thing done mate, you'll find it every day." It was a choice mindset, so when you are angry, imagine something about a couple who make you seem to get rid of your negative thoughts.
5. Remember the sweet memories
"Happy couples tend to rewrite history by talking constantly and focus on the happy times," said Wilk. By reviving memories with your partner, it really change your mindset and how you look at him and think about your relationship.
Try to do this every time you feel your relationship needs a boost: Remember when you first date, or the best moments of your relationship (such as when you perform an impromptu picnic in the park when lunch time, or when her birthday invite you to explore memories of the past.
6. Never an enemy
"Sometimes there is evidence of a relationship when your partner needs, and provide support without the need to deliver a solution," said Wilk. "We want someone to listen to our complaints." The key is to continue to provide support, and never ignore it, even if you know why he's complaining.
For example, if he was angry because his boss exciting project and give it to someone else in the office, now is not the time to say, "Well, maybe you're not trying to either." At such times he needs support, and he wanted to hear you say, "It must be very difficult."
Couples who are happy to know when to stop talking.
7. Keep your relationship
Trust, security, and commitment is a key element in any relationship, but having a partner does not mean you can treat your relationship as a rock, and stop trying. "Relationships are fragile ecosystems, and that's why the divorce rate could reach 50 percent," says Wilk. "The couple are happily continue dating, telling each other about their merits, and did many things together."
8. Do it together
"It's not just about dating, but the couple are happy seem to do a lot of mundane things together," says Wilk. "They have little quirks that they decided to do it together, either to pay monthly bills or folding laundry."
9. Be aware of when your partner is need attention
Happy couple realize small actions spouse in need of attention. When the team Gottman studied 120 newly married couples, they found that the surviving spouse during the next six years notice the change as much as 86 percent of their time. This contrasts with 33 percent of couples who take the time, they eventually divorced.
So many little things Observe and provide feedback to your partner's desires in touch. Like if you're shopping for groceries and he casually said that she had never eaten Fruit Loops (cereal) since childhood, then buy the food and show her that you care.
10. Do the little things together
"To make the relationship fun, you can not just do great things like, 'I do not drink, I pay bills, I do not hit, we went to Hawaii last year,'" said Wilk. "That sort of thing is not going to make a couple's relationship to be happy in their daily lives."
Most important is the small things added, like always together when one of them wanted to express something or knowing that he memebutuhkan hug, or make favorite foods because you care. "It also supports the idea that you have to fall in love all the time. Marriage is about commitment and trust and understand each other, "says Wilk. "That's true love."
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